I Would Do Anything for Love (of money) …… But I Won’t Do That.

I’m not going to lie. I enjoy working. I enjoy money. I enjoy working for money. With that being said there are some jobs I just won’t do. It may be because it doesn’t fit my skill set. It may be because I don’t think I would enjoy the work. But there are some side hustles that I will probably never explore.

It’s definitely not because I think I am too good for these jobs. I don’t judge anyone for how they choose to make a living.  Consider me not taking these jobs my gift to you.  I hope you make a ton of money working them.

To thine own self be true.  My own self took one look at these jobs and said “hell no”!

Franklin Love Eyes
Sorry Ben. I won’t do that.

Long Distance Locums

There is a lot of money to be made for those willing to hop on a plane and work for the highest bidder.  There are plenty of places that are desperate for warm bodies with active medical licenses that will pay $500/hour or more.  Of course, they will be squeezing every penny of that out of you.  Do you ever wonder why some places have to pay that much just to attract some interest?

air air travel airbus aircraft
If I’m boarding a plane, it’s for vacation.

I’m married with 3 small kids.   The last thing I want to do is be half way across the country working solo-coverage 12 hour shifts while my wife and kids are home missing me.  My whole motivation for exploring side gigs is to find easier and lower-risk ways to earn physician income and increase the amount of time I spend with my family.  I don’t begrudge anyone raking in cash doing travel locums.  If you’re single or your kids are grown, you could probably make more money working fewer hours than most docs.  It’s just not my cup of tea.

Any Type of Dietary Fad/Weight Loss Cure

This country is getting fatter by the minute.  Wherever there is a group of overweight people with rolls of fat and cash, there will be some entrepreneur selling them the latest and greatest weight loss cure.

person holding tape measure
Diet and exercise is for suckers.  You need Dr Hustle’s magic weight loss tonic.

I commend any primary care doc who spends time talking to their patients about diet and lifestyle modification. They don’t get paid enough. You know who does get paid? The doc selling dietary supplements and amphetamines for cash. There are too many other ways to make money for me to want to get into the weight loss business.

Medspa

For certain physicians, a medspa sounds like a great gig.  Low risk medicine, cash business and you’re (hopefully) making patients feel good about themselves. If you have figured out a way to earn a living injecting Botox and lasering bikini lines, God bless. I’m sure you clock out at 4PM with a smile from ear to ear. I just don’t think I have the face or personality for cosmetics. I have the face for “you’re having a heart attack at 3AM”.

woman girl beauty mask
Unless you were just impaled in the eyes with those cucumbers, I’m not the doc for you.

I’ve heard horror stories of doctors agreeing to be medical directors for medspas.  You should be very skeptical of anyone who wants to pay you to practice under your medical license without you ever having to show up.  If it sounds too good to be true, you may be risking your career without even knowing it.  If you’re going to work for a medspa, at least take a hands on approach and make sure everything meets your quality and safety standards.

Prescribing Durable Medical Equipment Over the Phone to Strangers

Have you ever seen ads offering to pay you to prescribe medical equipment to patients over the phone?  It sounds easy enough.  Review a patient’s chart, speak to them on the phone, confirm they have a diagnosis that requires said medical equipment and write the prescription.

Unfortunately, some of these companies are Medicare milking machines and you are the last piece of the puzzle.  Patients get offered free stuff their insurance pays for.  Docs get offered easy money.  The company keeps the profits.  What the company doesn’t tell you is that if you get accused of Medicare fraud, you may never be able to practice medicine again.

Snake Oil Spokesperson

Perhaps the only thing worse than defrauding people over the phone is doing it to their face.  We all know the snake oil salesman in our community.  Long term infusions for seronegative chronic Lyme.  Chelation therapy for bogus heavy metal toxicity.  Ozone therapy.  Is this really where your career has sunk to?  Could you think of no other way to make a living in medicine?  You’re better than this.

Pain Management

I get it.  The opiate crisis is horrible.  Methadone and suboxone have been shown to decrease overdose deaths.  As an ER doctor on the front lines, my opinion of pain management physicians is very biased.  I’m sure there are excellent pain docs with high ethical standards, but their reputation will be forever tainted by the many drug dealers pain doctors I have seen lose their medical licenses or get arrested for insurance fraud.

If one of my kids needed a heart transplant and they only way to pay for it was to become a pain management doc, I would do it.  Short of that – I think I’ll pass.

Where do you draw the line?

Even Meatloaf himself said there are some things he just would not do for love. I know what things I would not do for the love of money. Where is your thin red line?

What do you think?  Would you consider working one of these jobs?  Are there any other jobs that you would walk away from?  Share your thoughts and comments below.

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4 thoughts on “I Would Do Anything for Love (of money) …… But I Won’t Do That.

  1. You have hit on a lot of the gigs physicians can do with their title and make sometimes a ton of cash but it comes at a price. Some of those gigs like you mention come with the potential for losing your license and having the government prosecute you. That could erase any monetary gains you had by sticking your neck out.

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  2. My wife was offered a job at a medspa run by some of her more senior colleagues, who described it as easy money outside of the ED. We checked the website for the medspa, which had an extensive menu of services, the last of which was “anal hair removal.” Despite my suggestion that with a little commitment, she might become LA’s leading Anusthesiologist, she passed.

    Liked by 1 person

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